No Heidi and Seal? No hope

Heidi and Seal broke up and we’re all doomed now and other funny columns and articles

And more funny articles and columns by funny writers

Parents: Don’t put any candy in the goody bag (Drew Magary)
“The party scheduling is already backward. It should be cake, THEN play, so that the kids burn off the sugar and throw up on the trampolines. Instead, the sugarkakke gets delayed until the very end, when you have to transport this fructose-addled beast home and deal with the consequences.”

A desperate plea to keep Heidi and Seal together (Emily Hirshey)
“So, yesterday, it was officially announced that Heidi and Seal are separating. Naturally, this means I’ve spent the last 24 hours in a downward spiral of doom as all hope is drained from my life.”

What your favorite blog says about you (Nick Douglas
“Mashable: Your Facebook feed is all ‘likes’ of news articles you’ve read.”

Gingrich changes Facebook status to ‘In an open relationship’ (Andy Borowitz)
“Mr. Gingrich made no reference to his new Facebook status during his victory speech, in which he made an emotional appeal to the American people: ‘I say to each and every one of you: Join me.  Join me in my marriage.'”

Vice President Biden has the San Francisco Giants on his brain (The Humor Columnist
“‘Ha!,’ Vice President Biden said. ‘Man, is that embarrassing! I have San Francisco’s Giants on the brain!'”

Snow way we’ll get a blizzard! (Jerry Zezima)
“Because I have brain freeze when it comes to preparing for the white stuff, I appreciated the reminder I got in the mail recently from Carl’s Equipment and Supply in Patchogue, N.Y., where my parents bought the snow blower for me almost 10 years ago. On the card was this convincing line: ‘He who hesitates shovels!'”


Author: Joe Donatelli

Joe Donatelli is a writer in Los Angeles. He publishes The Humor Columnist.