Rick Santorum knows how to party

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Andy Borowitz: Other Republicans agree not to tell Rick Perry where next debate is
“Immediately following the final New Hampshire debate on Sunday morning, an awkward scene unfolded onstage as Mr. Perry asked the other candidates, ‘So, where is everyone going now?'”

Soren Bowie: Dear Tiger Beat Magazine, make me a 6th grade heartthrob
“I for instance, wanted desperately at 11 years old to be adored by sixth grade girls around the world, and I’m proud to say that’s a goal I still hold to this day.”

Brad Dickson: Breaking Brad
“Speaking of parties, Rick Santorum just hosted a wild one. Santorum and his friends watched ‘Waltons’ reruns while drinking apple cider till almost 9 p.m.”

Joe Donatelli: This guy watched ‘The Bachelor’ so you will never have to
The Bachelor is a reality television show about 25 women who vie for the love of one man by drinking until they’ve convinced themselves he’s not an incredible bore.”

Joe Queenan: We all gone to the dogs?
“Dogs used to be fully integrated into the culture. They ate their disgusting food, slept 18 hours a day and kept their yaps shut. They understood that their mission in life was to go for long walks, kill squirrels, stick their tongue out for photo-ops with the kiddies and scare away intruders. But that was when dogs had names like Rover and Fido and Skippy. Dogs knew their place.”

Photo by MarcN

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Author: Joe Donatelli

Joe Donatelli is a writer in Los Angeles. He publishes The Humor Columnist.