The last Cameron column

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The last Cameron column (Bruce Cameron)
“This is my 689th weekly column, and I’m taking a break.”

President Romney meets other world leaders (Calvin Trillin)
“President Romney looked at the German Chancellor carefully, up and down. ‘I’d say you’d go about one-forty, give or take five pounds,’ he said. ‘Am I in the ballpark?'”

We gave legal advice to a frat guy on Craig’s List (Ryan Walter)
Ryan Walter trolls the interwebs looking to screw with people. He’s applied for a job with the worst ad portfolio of all time. He’s GOTTEN a job with the worst resume known to man. But this week, as Ryan was cruising Craig’s list, he came upon a posting by a young man who was in dire straights. Below is their correspondence. Enjoy.

7 reasons why gay marriage is good for straight men (Joe Donatelli)
“There is nothing married people love more than fixing up their single friends on dates. There is also nothing gay men love more. Legalized nationwide gay marriage would end in our time.”

Sexting icebreakers for English grad students (Hollie Adams)
“While the punctuation is grammatically correct, I could really go for a good interrobang right now.”

Yahoo! Big whoop (Gene Weingarten)
“Further research confirmed that as a tool, “Yahoo! Answers” is as flimsy as a twist-tie, as dignified as a spork.”

The only argument on the Internet in favor of SOPA (Soren Bowie)
“Four years ago, I wrote an article for an entertainment website on the best film deaths of non-memorable characters. In the very first comment, a gentleman from Australia who evidently disagreed with my assessments encouraged me to fuck myself and called me a ‘Gaping chick hole’…That hurt, and SOPA represents the first opportunity I have to really make him pay.”

Let’s get physical (Jerry Zezima)
“‘In college,’ I said, ‘I was known as Mr. Heineken.'”

Classy like a dog’s butt (Scott Sevener)
“I guess there’s really no delicate way for me to introduce this, so I’ll just come right out and say it – this week, I want to talk about dog farts.”


Author: Joe Donatelli

Joe Donatelli is a writer in Los Angeles. He publishes The Humor Columnist.