There is only one way to build Ikea furniture and that is while drinking heavily

Read one man’s tale of hardship, woe and beer as he tried to build a dresser from Ikea

Every man knows how to build Ikea furniture, right? Well, not this one. I don’t know if it’s the stupid parts or the stupid directions that don’t have any words with their stupid asexual characters putting the stupid parts where they’re supposed to stupid go, but building Ikea furniture is maddening. I grew up in a world of hammers, nails, screws and screwdrivers, not round-y little thing-a-doo-dads that need to be turned a certain direction or your dresser will collapse on the dog. It’s cheap for a reason. It’s not quality furniture. There is a reason you can carry it by yourself to the checkout counter. I took to the pages of Guyism to explain how to get through the entire ordeal of building a MALM dresser. The keys are beer and whiskey.


Author: Joe Donatelli

Joe Donatelli is a writer in Los Angeles. He publishes The Humor Columnist.